poignant-ly

prologue:

the evenings do not feel the same lately. it used to be calming and soothing. ironically, it is filled with emptiness these days despite of raya was here yesterday. it does bring back the memory of staying in one late evening four years ago, though. it could be the result of you draining out of this cozy zone of ours leaving me in this corner, alone and clueless. you've got to do what you've got to do, i get it. so this is me accepting whats before me.

for five years, i've came home to Kuching a few days before raya and gone back to KL a few days after the celebration. i must say, it is the norm of being a Kuchingite studying in the Peninsular Malaysia. those who have to ride on that plane across the country - including me once upon a time ago, would feel devastated and refused to go back to their unis or workplaces too soon as being home in Kuching with family and friends feels much better than staying in unfamiliar places especially when comes the aidilfitri festival. i was in this situation before. i could feel a big lump forming in my heart as i leave me family behind waving goodbyes 10 metres away. i could feel my legs getting heavier with each steps i took to the immigration check-in counter. i could feel the nausea of having to board a one hour and 45 minutes ride on an airplane and arrived on another land in spite of still being in the same country. i would cry once i reached my room with the memory of the first few days of raya still playing in my mind. and i would lose my appetite for days as the result of being homesick. i was there, i've done that. this year, as i am now not a student no more, i was in Kuching months before raya and i am planning to stay even months after raya. i may not feel as devastated as before, but i feel worse. as people slowly flock out of Kuching, i silently watch Kuching gets quieter by minute. it is painful and sad to watch them go away from Kuching even for a good cause - cousins going back to their unis, brother packing up things to get back to workplace, friends rushing to have an evening out together not wanting to miss the opportunity of being here in Kuching. and that is not all. it is also heartbreaking to watch the streets and roads get dark again without the festivities light of raya; to see the most bright and happy house being dark and dull after a week of raya; to be alone in the car cruising round the town not knowing where to stop for a drink; to come back home without the usual sound and sight of brothers playing PS3; and not having to look up at the sky every half an hour to watch the bright colourful fireworks dancing proudly above our heads.

so for those who are still feeling homesick of your hometown after a great week of raya, or even for those who are still in your hometown whom are waiting for your time to leave, just remember, you are not the only one feeling all sad and miserable. those whom you left behind are feeling more poignant than you are to have pick the pieces you left when you're gone, especially your parents.

so cherish where you are today, literally ;)


fireworks on the eve of raya 2009 : viewing from my house, with Mak, Abang and Farhana :) :)

50 sen

i always sucks at goodbyes. especially when it comes to saying goodbye to Apiz. even the daily goodbye uttered every time he sends me back home after an outing together, that is hard too. tee-hee! today's goodbye was also hard, but i played it cool. i did my very best not to break down into tears in front of you beby, but shamefully i already did last night before you came with motor gangster ;p by the time i reach home this morning, i felt empty already, having to think of Apiz is already halfway across the sea. no more late night teasing, no more rushing for movies, no more fighting for cheese, no more punching and slapping - at least not in the near future. thank God my day turned out good in the evening and gets better at night. actually tonight was superb. haven't laughed my anak tekak out like just now in a long time. and never before i've seen anyone who're really curious who eats all types of biskut raya there is on the table. thank you Kak Nadea and Kak Yan. hehe

despite all, i still miss Apiz and i always want to be close to you, and above all, i want my 50sen :) :)

the fighter

call me outdated. coz i am. i dont read the newspapers, i dont watch prime news at 8pm. i still think that i'm a kid that does not need to bother about the happenings around the world, but at the same time wanting to be treated like an adult.

back to me being outdated, earlier today while cleaning the house, my mom found and article about the murder of Marwa Ali El-Sherbini and showed it to me. it was dated back in July 2009. some may have read the story from somewhere else, but i bet some have not heard of it, like me. right? ;p i have goosebumps after finish reading the article. the full article can be found on utusan malaysia online. wikipedia also has a good way of telling the story.

briefly, Marwa was an Egyptian woman who moved to German in 2008 with her family. she was verbally abused in a quarrel at a playground by a man called Alex W over a swing played by Marwa's son and Alex's niece. she was called 'Islamist', 'terrorist' and 'slut' by Alex for wearing the hijaab. others who were at the playground tried to stop Alex but he continued assaulting Marwa with his words until the police arrived. he was charged with defamation and was found guilty with a fine of 780 Euro. Alex then insulted Marwa again and this time publicly in the trial room thus causing him a higher conviction and an appeal hearing was held on July 1, 2009. on that day, after Marwa has testified, Alex walked across the room and stabbed Marwa about 18 times in front of all presence while shouting 'you dont desrve to live!'. Marwa's husband, Elwi Ali Okaz tried to protect her wife but was also stabbed by Alex. there wasnt a single security officer in the court room that day but luckily there was a policeman who was testifying over a different case nearby and he was called to the rescue. the policeman wrongly shot Elwi's leg for he mistook Elwi for the attacker. Elwi was seriously injured and went into a coma for two days, while Marwa couldnt make it and died on the scene. Alex was arrested there and then.

what's worse is that Marwa's three year-old-son was also in the room the day his parents were stabbed, and even worst: Marwa was pregnant with her second child at that time which was only three months old in her womb.

this might happened two months back, but the impact of it will never be outdated.

a good hugger

the last thing on my mind last night was, waking up the next morning and rushing to your house and claim a nice warm hug from you(coz somehow i think i need it). i know you wouldnt ask whats happening if i chose not to tell you but still clinging to your arms. i know you would just hold me in a very much understanding and warmest hugs. you're my favourite hugger, coz i only get the best and honest and full hugs from you! xD

Diana+ : Part 2

i have stopped attending to my camera for so long. i think its coming to four months now. erk long eh? i personally think that's a long period for someone having this so-called hobby of lomography. and me being absentminded, i forgot if there's any film in the camera. with the tip top confidence i proudly have in me one sunny afternoon, i opened the back of the camera and tadaaaa! there IS an unfinished roll of film inside the camera. it was on frame no.8 but i really cant remember what was on that film. so with eyes still popping put of my socket, i clumsily put back the back of the camera and hoping mr.light didnt make it that quickly into those used frames. of course la i'm only wishing upon empty air coz i know the frames are damaged and i kinda enjoy being in denial for a while and walkaway without thinking bout it until today. so as of today, i'm worried what would happened to that frames and WHAT pictures did i take??? really cannot recall.

meanwhile, these are some of the pictures Apiz and i took - still in the experimental stage (i dont think i'll ever stop experimenting. the outcomes of this thing are just so unpredictable.)


#1 never give up on camwhoring! again, forgot to change the zoom focus :|


#2 mv doulos ship. i loike the sky very muchy!


#3 double exposure. one with ordinary square frame. another using Fisheye lens. the yellow patch wasnt experimental on purpose. the film was damaged before processing and create somehow this not-so-cool effect to this photo.


#4 the damaged patch is disturbing :(


#5 i know fellow lomographers like to experiment with many different things that can be done to the film. like peeing on them or cut them into pieces and put them back together. but i dont. maybe at this stage, where i'm still struggling to get a fair picture with good lighting and good zoom focal, i'm not interested in experimenting with the film just yet.


#6 the damaged patch is ugly :( without the ugly patch, this photo could be on a poster of classic Malay film like Azura or Ali Setan.. *perasan mode*


#7 indoor shot with the lights keep on changing colour. i thought i got the green light, but it turned out blue.


#8 same scene with different light colour. with some traces of damaged film.



#9 taken by Apiz on a bright afternoon. i placed a green transparency in front of the lens to create the same effect when using colorsplash or ringflash (or so i thought).


#10 this is by Apiz. nice sky :)


#11 this picture would have been nice if the middle part of the frame wasnt exposed to light. another mistake of mine. i didnt roll the film tightly thus light penetrated between the films and become like this.

now i realised how frustrated i am with the outcomes of this set of film. make me sad la blogging bout these pictures. but we learn through all these mistakes, right? *comforting self*

lets just end this entry with a remix tribute video for michael jackson. this is smartness!!

i want!

i long for the beach..

i want to see the SUN during sunrise..

i miss Apiz..

i want to go to the beach with Apiz and watch the sunrise :)

don't bring your bf/husband shopping!

this is truly hilarious:

mudah saja

why is it that i get hurt too easily? why is it that when someone promised something, i hold on to that promise and wait and wait for nothing to happen? funnier when i know nothing is going to happen. i keep having hopes and putting faith in people. well the wrong people it seems. and i keep hurting myself.

maybe it isnt your fault. maybe its mine. but this is just too wrong. i feel betrayed, cheated and fooled. i know this is the time of the period when you would come back and say all those nice sweet things. and by the end of this phase, we'll be back to being strangers again. i admit that you're good at manipulating my feelings. you make me feel like you care, then you give me the silent treatment, and when i demand all those promises back from you, you act like nothing happened. ironically, thats the problem - NOTHING happened.

these feelings are just too unbearable. its unfair. dont make promises if you dont intend to keep them or EVEN to remember you've made one. i think i could live better that way then having to wait for your promises to come true. and stop saying you understand coz you dont. please dont do this to me again. i dont want to go through this again, resenting what you've done, yet at the same time, loving you and still wanting you to be around :( :( :(

Diana+ : Part 1

after almost a year of 'playing' with Diana+, finally i made full use of all 16 frames of the 120 film. still an amateur, i think i did pretty well. hee! *masuk dlm bakul, angkat diri sendiri*

my first roll of film, i only get 8 frames which are scannable. erk and among the eight pictures, not all are interpretable. i mean:


#1 insufficient light exposure, although i was outdoor on a bright sunny afternoon. mind u this is my very first shot ;)



#2 attempt on double exposure. Apiz helped made the second shot.


#3 attempt on camwhoring. FAIL abis. hehe


#4 a sight of food. i forgot to adjust the focus zoom. so you cant really see what im eating. btw this was last Ramadhan when i was breaking fast with friends AND was still a student. oh that makes me sound so old.


#5 another attempt on double exposure, plus im playing with lights. that's KLCC at the middle of the picture :)


#6 this is the first and ONLY perfect picture of the first roll! and i am proud of myself at that time, kononnya la, coz this picture IS perfect. right? ;p and if people ask, then, how Diana+ picture differ from those which are taken from ordinary digital camera, i proudly show them this pic(only). hehe


#7 and then i came across black & white 120film which was quite interesting.


#8 i dont know what went wrong with this frame but it turned out pretty cool. btw, this was taken by Shikin, i directed(and posed, try find me! ;p)


#9 double exposure. one of my favourites!


#10 and then i received this super-cool lens in my mailbox from someone truly special - Fisheye Lens! and this is my very first attempt using Fisheye lens, and it works! also, one of my favourites!

when most of my frames didnt turn out well, i got fed-up a lil bit and i declared myself helpless with Diana+ with low lights. so i asked Apiz to take charge of the next film under my supervision *ehem* (does that make taking photo with Diana+ sound important?) hee and so we went about Kuching looking for potential nice scenery.


#11 and then it was christmas (by Apiz)


#12 indoor. low lights. and this picture is almost perfect except for the blurry me, well thats because i was moving when Apiz took this picture. so Apiz have steady hands(and i dont)?? *sik puas hati*


#13 if i were the one taking this picture, i bet you wouldnt know whats that green thing coz it'll be all over the frame.


#14 again by Apiz.


#15 and we found out that, camwhoring with Fisheye works!

you know what, im getting tired of uploading these pictures. and there are lots more fail attempts i want to share with you before i got it ALL right in my latest roll of film. but i'll continue another time okie?

btw, happy Ramadhan all. happy fasting & happy ber-tarawikh & happy ber-ibadat :) :)

Giselle

since Yui came into the house, Giselle has became unfriendly and boring to human. she doesn't want to play with her toys anymore, or chase the dummy mouse i flagged in front of her face. all she does is chase after Yui, or spying on Yui, or sleep across Yui, and everything that involves Yui. now, everytime i took Giselle and carry her, she won't stay still in my arms for merely 5 seconds without her head turning around to look for Yui and when she sees Yui, she'll jump off my arms and the chasing begins, again. Yui is her first cat friend anyway, so i think she's actually excited to have a friend who looks very much like her. for the past 7 months, her regular friends are 3 humans who don't speak cat language in which i think the reason for her not meow-ing so much at home. haha that's my theory anyway. coz after Yui arrived, Giselle starts meow-ing loudly and when Yui was on heat last week and making very loud noise looking for a mate, the innocent-7months-old Giselle followed doing the same loud annoying noise. and now when Yui is quiet, Giselle is quiet too. looks like she has found a role model. hee!

so what i did is, i un-boring her! i took my hairband with two fluffy balls and put around her body.

1. see! a little accessories is always nice, rite? hee (Giselle: white, and that's Yui at the back, and Giselle is watching over Yui while Yui's eating, psycho hor??)

2. she struggles to get rid of the disturbing balls hanging around her body


3. after a few fail attempts, she rests for a while + keeping eyes on Yui

4. she knows she's helpless and she decided to just chill with that thing hanging around. now that's cute and not boring. hee!