what i found on tumblr

i was blogwalking on tumblr and i found these:

(source: petisuara)

so what are your words?

mine: naked, hate & malice. hahaha

(source: google image)

yeah, i have the malice instinct of psychologically torturing Apiz sometimes. but i did it in the most lovable way that you like it right dear?? -_-'' sorry dearie..

and this one, is somehow true in the strangest kinda way, and no matter how hard we try to deny it, it is the reality. tell me what you think.

WHEN YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH SOMEONE IS SLOWLY FADING,

AND YOU JUST SIT BACK AND WATCH/READ

ABOUT ALL THE FUN THEY HAVE

WITH THEIR NEW FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK:

(source: petisuara)

so true, right? still,i dont want to lose any friends. i miss my beloved five besties so bad right now. i miss all the six of us hanging out together. to Sheila, Asha, Ina, Mym & Wani, no matter what happens i love you girls to pieces, and i still want you girls to be there on my wedding day, and on all the important days of my life, for you girls were a part of me that have somehow helped shape me of the person who i became today, and you girls are still a part of me, for always.

*group HUG pleasseee!*

i'll update more soon!

love strong

the first time i heard the term 'love strong' was when a childhood friend of mine asked a few years after we havent met each other, 'kitak masih ka dengan Hafiz?' (i think that was somewhere in 2003-2004. i think.) and i said 'aok masih.' and then she said 'waaaa love strong eh' that was my first time hearing the term love strong. never heard of it before, i thought in my head 'aiee salah padah ka apa nya tok. strong love la. ekekek' kira tetak ngan urang la tek. haish sik senonoh perangei, padahal dikpun yang naive. ekekekek tetak ngan dikpun gik. and then i learned the true meaning of the the term.

even my nenek also know how to use it ok. this happened a few years back.

Nek Wan: iboh suroh Razi betunang lamak gilak bah. setaun lamak gilak ya.

Mak: aie apa jak mek duak Junai dolok duak taun.

Nek Wan: eeeey kitak duak ya lain. kitak duak ya lep (love) strong!

sapa sik tekejut nenek i kelaka gia. haaaaa! lep strong sungguh nenek ku.

the reason why i'm yapping bout love strong today is... do you realise the dancing couple on the right hand side of your screen has moved to the number 12? yeeeepy! the couple will be swaying back to number 1 tomorrow! oh yessss we are turning a year older and more in love tomorrow! its our eleventh year fellas :)

i'm not gloating on how 'love strong' (heh. is that how we use it?) we are, but i am sure my love for Apiz is strong enough to take down my wall of ego and his love that i feel is strong enough that i want to be a better person when i'm with him.

Apiz dear, its been a while since i tell the world I Love You :)

Happy Birthday & Happy Anniversary, Sayang!

my person

this is a love message to one of the many owners of 21st January - but she is super extraordinary special coz she is my person, she is Shasheila Daud!

 

one year ago :)

over the years, we have been through thick and thin. we've been through hell and back again. we laughed, we cried, we fought, we hugged, and most importantly we survived it all! i just want you to know that you have been an amazing friend to me throughout the decade. you have taught me alot whether you realise it or not. i think my favourite moment with you is the one in Singapore where you dragged your bag down a so-called 3degrees hill and your bag went tergoleng-goleng and you were ngerepok at the same time and there was an orang puteh looking on. lets relive that moment shall we? aaaah i'm being a bad friend for liking that moment ;( but that is just so you!!! with your words coming out of your mouth tumbling into each other. heh i can laugh to sleep lah like this remembering all the words you said.

(ok right now i'm giggling to myself remembering that night you called Apiz 'boss')

apart from having babbling disorder, i look at you as a rational person. so you're a funny wise person. wow! superb combination dont you think? just dont mess up the prescription or that report thing you do in front of a patient like the ones in Grey's Anatomy ok! you've been a great listener, and i really hope i could be one for you too. i might do a button for you for that, kannnn??

other than that, you are one super cool travel mate! lets go travel some moreee!

i wish you all the luck in the world for your final year being a med student!! may you be surrounded with all the happiness and love throughout the year to keep your spirit high! and may you'll always be under His guidance and protection. Amin :) hope you had a blast kebaboom silver birthday!

xoxo, you know i love you!

*hugggggss*

a dedication, with love

that morning i woke up earlier than other usual Sunday. i got up and opened up two birthday cards from back home which was mailed to me two days earlier. tears welling up my eyes as i read the words of my parents (how i missed them so much!!) and the cute handwritings of my little sister.

at 9am, i was already on the road heading to my auntie’s place to pass some stuff to bring back to Kuching. i didnt know driving in KL - around BB area - on a Sunday morning could be so relaxing and refreshing. minus the usual traffic congestion, minus black smokes produced by buses and lorries, plus Sunday morning sunshine, it almost feels like driving in Kuching at 7am on a Sunday morning (huh! ada time gap paduhal these two places).

and then i remembered Sheila saying bout having your own me-time on your birthday. so i head to the coffee shop and get myself a big breakfast all by myself. that was already around 1030am - and people here in KL viccinity is STILL having their breakfast. if in Kuching, people is already bustling in and out of Sunday market. even if there are those in the coffee shops, you would see bags of groceries under their table or shopping bags with colourful fruits seated next to them. but people here semua muka fresh lepas mandi sipping their coffee and tea. seriously lah these KL people ada lambat 2 jam.

after a happy hour of having brunch reading a fashion magazine konon-konon stylo, Apiz and i met up and we were all geared up to do flying fox in KL Tower! its like a feast of fireworks in my heart  and tummy when i walked up to the registration counter. and as i filled in the form and sign it off, i said to myself 'am i really doing this??' i started having sweaty palms and feet. and in my case, i get EXTRA OVER sweaty palms and feet when i am too anxious. cause i get sweaty palm and feet allllll the time even in an air-conditioned room. and at one point when we were walking towards the platform, i confessed to Apiz 'tuija mok polah bungee jump, tok pun dah cuak. boleh sik sikmok polah??' HAHAHAHAHA well, that was just a conversation to fill in the time gap ok :P :P :P there were four other jumpers that day besides me and Apiz, so they all went first, and Apiz went last. so kira terre la kamek nak, to go before Apiz. its like 'Apiz, tangga Aten polah giney ahh. iboh takut.' yerrdeh! haha the best part was we got to do two jumps each so the first one was kind of a trial jump, and the second one you already know the drill and you can enjoy it without constantly thinking 'whats going to happen next?'

bungee jump vs. flying fox:

in my thought, for my birthday this year, it HAS to be something different AND i dont want to be dependent on other people to make it happen. as the miracle date - 24th October - fall perfectly on a Sunday, i made plans as early as January. they include: bungee jump in Phuket, exploring Bangkok, and fall in love once again for Singapore. those are the many plans which i juggled about to pick out which is the best. but those plan also come with one very big problem. i need a travel mate. i cant go if i dont have anyone going with me. for all you know my dad would be keeping my passport in the safe box with 16-digit security password, or bury it in the ground next to our 'pandok ground' or he might just feed the crocodile with it. oh no over exaggeration happens. so i cant find someone who can go to those places with me on the said date. everyone else has their own schedule to keep up with, and i myself was also busy with assignments and datelines (did not foresee this in January). and then i came across an information bout bungee jump is back in operation in Sunway Lagoon! yippy!! so i made new plan: to bungee jump on 24th October 2010 in Sunway Lagoon. i tried to talk Apiz into doing it with me. cause you'll get a certificate of bravery for doing the jump, and i want Apiz to have one with my birthday date on it. Apiz sik mok. i pleaded him with bambi eyes also he didnt want. he said he'll only take my photos and video of me jumping. and then i redha. and a couple of days before the big day, i told him i dont want to do the jump, cause he's not doing it. i want to do something fun together with him. so we opted to do the flying fox at Menara KL.

bungee jump gik Dear~

and then i went to meet up with my rebel mates back in UIA. we kinda have this routine to meet up for each others’ birthday even if its only for a slice of cake. doing meet-ups like this, its almost like a constant reminder that i will always have these beautiful people by me no matter what. thank you darlings!

and about the Mr. Gorgeous Instax. my new toy. my joy. my muse. i love you. i keep on finding reason to touch you even if i cant use you. apparently Semenanjung Malaysia is having a lack of stock on the film (surprisingly stock melambak in Kuching). so i cant play much with it, yet. out of the 10 films, lemme see, i only took two photos ok! the rests are by Apiz or total strangers. how lah. i want to be in the picture, have to ask someone else to take the photo right? :P

a very BIG thank yous and hearts and bubble clouds and kittens and all the nice things to Apiz Dearie for the cameraa!!~ :D :D :D yippy can i cry?

a very deer friend also gave me this cool bag which i cant stop using it now. i love the vibrant colour, the material, the just-nice size and of course the doll herself who gave it to me. but im scared if i use it too often then the colour would fade or it'll lose its natural texture and become slouchy and oh so many paranoia-of-using-too-much-of-a-beloved-thing-cause-i-dont-want-it-to-lose-its-original-quality-that-makes-me-fall-in-love-with-it-at-the-first-place. hah! oh and because of that paranoia, i like to take photos of my stuff (and keep some of them and never use them)! omg! i sound like a psychopath.

it was a happy birthday for me. in fact it was a happy birthmonth. Apiz did try make every living day of October feels like my birthday and it worked! thank you so much Love, for each and every little details you did (and did not do, esp on dinner night!). can i cry now?

even now, already half way through November, people are still wishing me belated birthday wishes, thank you all for the wishes and doa. may God bless your kindness with even greater kindness from Him. i am overjoyed!

just because i do

"dear.." she said. leaning on one side of her body against the door frame of their room.

he was watching ESPN when his lover called him. he looked up.

they stared at each other for a while. he was waiting for her next line.

she suddenly rushed to him and put her arms around his torso so tightly and started crying. surprised and confused, he held her back in return and asked, "what's wrong, love? what happened?"

she kept on crying. and cried. and cried. and didn't answer his questions.

he still didn't know what's going on, but he wrapped his arms so firmly around her body, giving her comfort and warmth. his chin resting on her newly shampooed hair. the way they held each other looked like they were two pieces of puzzle that fit so perfectly together that there were no room for air to pass through their intersecting parts. they sat there on the couch and held each other for the longest period ever without saying any words. the only sound that can be heard was the one from the TV box.

as he felt her shoulders relaxed a little, and as she stopped sobbing, he took her chin up til their eyes were at the same level. concern in his eyes. while hers are puffed from all the salty water coming out from them.

"i never want you to be sad. so i'm crying all my tears out on your behalf. for all your sad memories and sorrow feelings. now you will never be sad again. cause i did them for you. promise me you won't be sad any more." she finally spoke. her lower lips trembled with every words. she tried hard not to continue crying part two.

"but, love.." he attempted to speak.

only stopped by her.

"i love you too much.."

superMan day

 i love you, Bapak! :) :) :)

Happy Father's Day to all Fathers across the universe!!

Hari Ibu

hey you! yep, you. take a look at yourself in the mirror. look how healthy you are. how tall you've grown. how 'wide' you've become. how smart your brain works. how handsome and gorgeous you appear. now take a look at the woman you've known as your Mother. how big is she physically compared to you right now? smaller than you are? shorter maybe? slightly bigger? the same size as you, perhaps? imagine you were once were one with her. you were once inside her. for at least seven months, all of us were once inside the womb of that woman we call Mak/Mama/Mummy/Ibu. for at least seven full moons we ate what she ate; we followed her everywhere she went; we listened to every words she said; she was never alone, i doubt she wanted to, she carried us every where! we were the bestest friend ever, never parted, for at least seven months.

my mom is my Superman, except she's a woman. she's my Doraemon, except she doesn't have the magical pocket, but she has the beautiful heart where everything has a solution inside (and she has the one-stop handbag too!). she's my very own supermom. my mom is incredible. i believe all moms are :)

have you ever thought how these women know how to do almost everything in the world? from bargaining fish at the market, to negotiating a house at a property expo. from preparing the yummiest food ever, to making you feel bad when you've done something wrong to them. Mothers are super incredible, don't you think? :)

you want to see a Mother's love, take a look at yourself.

you want to see the love and the power of the God Al-Mighty, take a look at your Mother. Subhanallah.

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers in the world (that includes Fluffy, the mother cat of seven naughty babies!)~

Happy Mother's Day to my dearest mom. I Love You, Mak! :) :) :) :) :)

thinking of you

it is always refreshing to watch new couples together. be it they just started a whole new relationship together, or a newly wed couple who vowed to stay with each other through thick and thin and through all the bounties and jokes of life. the happiness are visible through their smiles which seem never ending. through their eyes which seem hard to take off of each other. the excitement to live the coming days of having someone to say 'good morning beautiful' on a brand new morning and to whisper 'good night love' as the moon moves further up is just unbearable. as much as they want to be known as 'the new couple' and keep the fresh vibe alive, they cant wait to spend their days together. to savour the days in and out together. to collect as many memories as they could as an item. to greet a friend on the street and to proudly introduce the other half as the soul mate. especially to celebrate anniversaries and to still see the same soul and heart even after decades of pure love.

sometimes i found myself staring at random pairs on the street and watch them flirt with each other. in awe when he takes her hand because they are about to cross a busy street and take that chance to not let go of her hand even they're already on the safe side of the street. and the way she smiles proudly to be walking next to a man who appears to be protecting her from every possible harm along the way. and the way he listens religiously to her stories seizing the moment to admire her beauty. and the way she laughs genuinely at his jokes and quietly hoping this day would come often.

i'm truly overjoyed for those who've found new love in life or even start a new phase of life. i see the glow in your faces and i hear the contentment in your voices. to a beloved brother and wife, and to a dear friend and partner: i wish you all the best in life, and keep the love blooming~

now call that person in your mind while you're on this post and tell him/her that you're just simply thinking bout him/her :)

imy

i miss Nek Aki :( eventhough i just met him and loyar burok with him in the evening, i still feel its not enough, i still miss him. i remember i interviewed him once for my school project about the world war 2. he was so energised and anxious telling me the story. and now he doesnt even remember me. and everytime i tell him i'm his granddaughter, he would have tears in his eyes. i guess that is when he remembers (or knows) that he has a granddaughter. and when his grandchildren are all gathered at the house, we would go next to his bed - sometimes one by one, sometimes all at once - and ask him 'you know who am i? you remember who's this boy? can you recall her name?' he always has a smile on his face while staring at our faces before he answers 'sik tauk' or 'sik ingat eh'. and then when someone say 'this is your grandson. he's working in KL right now. he's an architect.' 'and this is your granddaughter, she's also working in KL.' 'this is your other grandson, he's studying overseas, and now he's in Kuching for holiday.' 'and this is your six year old granddaughter, look how cute she is.' he would just nod his head and tears start welling up his eyes, while his mouth non-stop thanking God the Almighty, 'Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.'

i pray for his well-being on earth and hereafter. Nek Aki, i love you :')

ps: see you again tomorrow, Nek Aki!

26-year-wise

happy birthday Abang! :D

letter to Apiz

helo my beby..

it's 2010. finally, a new year is here, after all that happened in 2009. i would like to think that i am wiser today than i am on 1 January last year. i hope i am. do you think i am? well, maybe you couldnt tell coz i turned into a kid when i'm with you. (well thats coz you kinda pull me into that direction *grins*) and when i try to talk seriously like an adult with you *ehem* you'll start making funny remarks or faces and i'll join you. see how easily i got carried away by you AND how easily you influence me into doing stupid-fun things. hehehe and that is exactly what we're best at. having fun TOGETHER and at the same time appear ridiculous and fall deeply in love with each exertion.

remember how we started off the year beby? yes. the p***t incident. fun wasn't it? i was shaking ok. haha i scared we tenggelam in the mud! hahaha and the after party we had at bing!? the nite we laid out all of our hopes and dreams and wishes for the year 2009. i must say, out of the seven that i made, i only managed to fulfill three of them. the seventh, which is one of the three wishes, i hope is the biggest achievement and influencial among all.i vowed to make more people happy. i hope i made people happy. i hope i made many people happy. i hope i made more people happy than yesteryears. i hope i made you happy, beby.

i personally think that 2009 is the most educational year ever. i achieved a lot, made some new friends, reunited myself with some good old friends, found myself in crossroads over and over again, laughed my heart out often, cried my eyeballs out much, got a bachelor degree, fell in love everyday, awed by beauty always, found new fixations along the way, lost an uncle, amazed by the strength of a woman, decided human's behaviour stays a mystery, still wondering if magic is really magic, lost a beloved pet, pressured by the wall surrounding, floated on several cloud nine, learned to swim on my back, spent time with my sister, took care of Farhana for 45 days all on my own, welcomed lots of new kittens over the year, bid farewell to Kak Tina, and reached the highest degree of redha and tawakkal if anything happened to my parents while they're performing their hajj. for all that'd happened, i am truly thankful to Allah SWT for i might have stumbled along the way, but i did not fall out of love. i might have hurt ocassionally, but i've grew stronger after each episode. and i am thankful whole-heartedly that my parents are back from their vey own jihad safe and sound. and on the evening of 31 December 2009, after a rough morning of a harsh news about Giselle's departure, i saw His beauty once again, which reminded me that every sky has a silver lining. and i'm happy that i shared the evening with you, beby.

 rainbow on 31 December 2009

the eighth wish, the one that you made for me. you made me promise to make myself happy. being where i am this moment, with what i've seen thus far, and what it makes out of me today, i am happy. so i guess i've achieved the ultimate dream and wish and hope of 2009, and thanks to you who made me made that promise. we haven't spell out our hopes and dreams for this year beby, so that means we have to meet up cause this is serious matter, we must do it in person! hihihi

i miss you dear. i'll see you soon! :)

*love*

ps: i love you

10 things i hate about you:

1. i hate that you are far, making it hard for me to bear the feelings of missing you, having no one to run to when the day gets dark

2. i hate that i'm reminded of you everytime i see my baby cats because their watery and dark eyes kinda remind me of yours

3. i hate that i have to go to the vet by my own without you because one of the babies are having constant eye boogers and most of the time he can't see :( and most of the time he doesn't know where his momy is

4. i hate that it's the festive season, and you are still not here, and apparently everyone is not here

5. i hate the way you make me feel guilty for hurting you, eventhough i am to blame

6. i hate the way you're being all sweet even when i'm in my meanest self

7. i hate that sometimes you dont get what i'm saying and you'll say something else about another thing and we'll start rowing over each other

8. i hate that you always give in to me, just genuinely wants me to be happy and not give up on me :')

9. i hate your somet

10. but mostly i hate, the way i dont hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

(i just have to use the line from 10 things i hate about you for number 10, because it is just perfect where it is)

this is something i doodled when i was in a bus, on my way back to KL from a one day trip to Melaka to see Apiz :) and i think this so-called art piece should be about three years old by now. it was one of the best days i had as a student, a friend and a lover :)

Apiz Dear, i miss everything about you!!

delirium

bonded bone

i am a school athlete. a good one. and i hear you say to dad, 'it's good that she goes a different way from me. a diversion.' and you hand me that favourite bun of mine. i walk around the mall with tears streaming down my cheek while eating that bun. it doesnt matter who's looking, coz at that instant, my heart is full of love for a brother like you (and i think i smiled in my sleep).

i know you are always supportive of me and my dreams, Abang. when everyone else loses their faith in me, you stand by me and keep my backbone straight so i can stand up strong facing the world. from you, i could see a vision of 'real life', though it is blurry. you've been my rock all along, especially during my uni years. you've been my idol of a dream-catcher. you taught me to be independent despite of being a protective brother. i want you to know, that you are one of my growing-up heroes! and i love you to pieces :) :) :)

love story

a love story i live by:

'you should trust me with your life~' she said.
and he DID.

a good hugger

the last thing on my mind last night was, waking up the next morning and rushing to your house and claim a nice warm hug from you(coz somehow i think i need it). i know you wouldnt ask whats happening if i chose not to tell you but still clinging to your arms. i know you would just hold me in a very much understanding and warmest hugs. you're my favourite hugger, coz i only get the best and honest and full hugs from you! xD

mudah saja

why is it that i get hurt too easily? why is it that when someone promised something, i hold on to that promise and wait and wait for nothing to happen? funnier when i know nothing is going to happen. i keep having hopes and putting faith in people. well the wrong people it seems. and i keep hurting myself.

maybe it isnt your fault. maybe its mine. but this is just too wrong. i feel betrayed, cheated and fooled. i know this is the time of the period when you would come back and say all those nice sweet things. and by the end of this phase, we'll be back to being strangers again. i admit that you're good at manipulating my feelings. you make me feel like you care, then you give me the silent treatment, and when i demand all those promises back from you, you act like nothing happened. ironically, thats the problem - NOTHING happened.

these feelings are just too unbearable. its unfair. dont make promises if you dont intend to keep them or EVEN to remember you've made one. i think i could live better that way then having to wait for your promises to come true. and stop saying you understand coz you dont. please dont do this to me again. i dont want to go through this again, resenting what you've done, yet at the same time, loving you and still wanting you to be around :( :( :(

tamarind deja vu

the sense of deja vu has its own way on getting into my head only when i'm in Kuching. especially during hari raya. coz thats when everyone - family+friends - are gathered together and somehow sometimes old stories are brought back into conversations and undeniable old flames might find its way to haunt some of us. well, at least that's what i always thought. i never thought that i could bring alive that deja vu feeling that i thought i could only get in Kuching, here in KL (oh btw, i'm in KL for a tad while).

last two days, i bought watson's tamarind body wash from watson retail (obviously) here in KL and the moment i smelled the tamarind fragrance (from the bottle), the deja vu sense immediately got into my head. the smell reminded me of a dear friend - Wani. as far as i could recall, the first time i bought the watson's tamarind body wash was 2 or 3 years ago when we both went to watson retail in Travillion. that's how vivid my memory of u is. oh Wani, if u're reading this, PLEASE do not misunderstood me. i dont think of u while im in the shower. oh damn now that i say it out loud, i might think of u. haha kidding!! i think of u once in a while (NOT in the shower), i recalled back the card u wrote to me when u were still in UPM saying how we might have grown apart by the distance but we will always be good friends like we used to be. it is an honour to know u; to have u close once in my life; to have a good chum whom i share the blast of the days rushing here and there, up and down every functioning escalator in every possible shopping mall in Kuching (sometimes in KL). and at this very moment, i miss u. i really do. live well, Wani :)

reminiscence of you

there are people in life whom we would treasure for life. i took that hike up a hill with those bunch of people of mine. we were celebrating. celebrating the end of a book in our lives, at the same time, celebrating the beginning of a new chapter of a fresh book. then, everything seemed perfect. nothing seemed wrong, everything in the past felt like forgivable. all scars seemed healed. all wounds seemed mended. all problems seemed magically patched up. the finale chapter of the book was written anyways, no changes are necessary. as much as i wanted to end the pain on the muscles in my legs, i never want to let go of that moment, i do not want to be far from those people. everything just seems right again when they’re around. i forgot it was time for goodbyes until Shikin opened the door of her MAX which can only be opened from outside. and the hysterical laughs of camwhoring and teasing stopped there.

and i dreamt of u. counting days to finally meet u again. i miss u...

for my hero

i could still remember clearly the days when u carried me from the back seat of ATOYOT without having to wake me up to the bed when i fell asleep in the car. i could still remember the mornings u woke me up and force me to bath for me to go to school. i could still remember u coming home from a jog and i thought u were Abang and i confidently described u very round just like the fan which u were hiding behind then and when i knew it was u, i think i blushed coz i realised i got the wrong person but u tickled me till i can barely breathe. the memory of u hugging me mid-running down st.teresa's hill after receiving UPSR results is still vivid in my mind. u jumping on the plane to KL and drive up to sri iskandar coming to my rescue i considered very heroic. u changing the punctured tyre on hari raya when i was the one driving the car with my girlfriends i thought very gentleman of u. there are so many more memories of us floating through my mind right now and they make me miss u so very much right at this moment. being a little girl that i was, i think i was closer to u than i was to Mak.

even when sometimes i think u dont understand me, i know u only want what's best for me. i know u'r doing your duty as a father, u'r looking out for your daughter the best way possible, above all, in your very own unique way. thank u Bapak for what u have done for me for all these years. i can never ask for a better man in my life as my Father. now that i've grown up, u can stop worrying bout me, well at least a little bit, and i will take care of you now..

happy Bapak's day, Mr Junaidi S.! I Love You~