poignant-ly

prologue:

the evenings do not feel the same lately. it used to be calming and soothing. ironically, it is filled with emptiness these days despite of raya was here yesterday. it does bring back the memory of staying in one late evening four years ago, though. it could be the result of you draining out of this cozy zone of ours leaving me in this corner, alone and clueless. you've got to do what you've got to do, i get it. so this is me accepting whats before me.

for five years, i've came home to Kuching a few days before raya and gone back to KL a few days after the celebration. i must say, it is the norm of being a Kuchingite studying in the Peninsular Malaysia. those who have to ride on that plane across the country - including me once upon a time ago, would feel devastated and refused to go back to their unis or workplaces too soon as being home in Kuching with family and friends feels much better than staying in unfamiliar places especially when comes the aidilfitri festival. i was in this situation before. i could feel a big lump forming in my heart as i leave me family behind waving goodbyes 10 metres away. i could feel my legs getting heavier with each steps i took to the immigration check-in counter. i could feel the nausea of having to board a one hour and 45 minutes ride on an airplane and arrived on another land in spite of still being in the same country. i would cry once i reached my room with the memory of the first few days of raya still playing in my mind. and i would lose my appetite for days as the result of being homesick. i was there, i've done that. this year, as i am now not a student no more, i was in Kuching months before raya and i am planning to stay even months after raya. i may not feel as devastated as before, but i feel worse. as people slowly flock out of Kuching, i silently watch Kuching gets quieter by minute. it is painful and sad to watch them go away from Kuching even for a good cause - cousins going back to their unis, brother packing up things to get back to workplace, friends rushing to have an evening out together not wanting to miss the opportunity of being here in Kuching. and that is not all. it is also heartbreaking to watch the streets and roads get dark again without the festivities light of raya; to see the most bright and happy house being dark and dull after a week of raya; to be alone in the car cruising round the town not knowing where to stop for a drink; to come back home without the usual sound and sight of brothers playing PS3; and not having to look up at the sky every half an hour to watch the bright colourful fireworks dancing proudly above our heads.

so for those who are still feeling homesick of your hometown after a great week of raya, or even for those who are still in your hometown whom are waiting for your time to leave, just remember, you are not the only one feeling all sad and miserable. those whom you left behind are feeling more poignant than you are to have pick the pieces you left when you're gone, especially your parents.

so cherish where you are today, literally ;)


fireworks on the eve of raya 2009 : viewing from my house, with Mak, Abang and Farhana :) :)