whole again

i could feel my chest crushing my heart to pieces that i almost black out when i found out about it. i cried for hours. and i thought to myself, how could i go to sleep with this thing on my mind and this pain in my chest.

and then i came across this video. and i am reminded that someone loves me no matter what, long before i was born. Subhanallah.

اللَّهُمَّ صَلِّ عَلَى مُحَمَّدٍ وَعَلَى آلِ مُحَمَّدٍ

light headed

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha~

so there is this cute thing happened last night at the airport in KL while i was scanning my luggage bag. a short conversation between me and an elderly immigration officer who looks like your typical eldest uncle a.k.a Pak Long a.k.a Wa Laki. seriously. lets call him Pak Wa ok? combination Pak Long and Wa Laki, bukan pakwe as in boyfriend. lalu nak ingat 'pakwe = boyfriend' takorang tok. westernised ada jak ;p
 

Pak Wa: ni nak balik eh?

me: *nodding head*

Pak Wa: balik mana?

me: Kuching.

Pak Wa: ooo. orang Kuching la ni?

me: haa.

Pak Wa: orang Kuching? betul ni orang Kuching?

me: ha'a betul orang Kuching.

Pak Wa: auk lah. auk. orang Kuching cakap auk.

me: hahaha ok. aok. aok.

satisfied with my answer, he ran off to another scanning station, just like that :)

so in the spirit of being a Kuchingite, watch this! :



in the spirit of raya, watch this! :



in the spirit of spreading happiness, watch this! :



in the spirit of gasping in awe, watch this! :



in the spirit of love, watch this! :



have a meaningful eid friends :)

a dedication, with love

that morning i woke up earlier than other usual Sunday. i got up and opened up two birthday cards from back home which was mailed to me two days earlier. tears welling up my eyes as i read the words of my parents (how i missed them so much!!) and the cute handwritings of my little sister.

at 9am, i was already on the road heading to my auntie’s place to pass some stuff to bring back to Kuching. i didnt know driving in KL - around BB area - on a Sunday morning could be so relaxing and refreshing. minus the usual traffic congestion, minus black smokes produced by buses and lorries, plus Sunday morning sunshine, it almost feels like driving in Kuching at 7am on a Sunday morning (huh! ada time gap paduhal these two places).

and then i remembered Sheila saying bout having your own me-time on your birthday. so i head to the coffee shop and get myself a big breakfast all by myself. that was already around 1030am - and people here in KL viccinity is STILL having their breakfast. if in Kuching, people is already bustling in and out of Sunday market. even if there are those in the coffee shops, you would see bags of groceries under their table or shopping bags with colourful fruits seated next to them. but people here semua muka fresh lepas mandi sipping their coffee and tea. seriously lah these KL people ada lambat 2 jam.

after a happy hour of having brunch reading a fashion magazine konon-konon stylo, Apiz and i met up and we were all geared up to do flying fox in KL Tower! its like a feast of fireworks in my heart  and tummy when i walked up to the registration counter. and as i filled in the form and sign it off, i said to myself 'am i really doing this??' i started having sweaty palms and feet. and in my case, i get EXTRA OVER sweaty palms and feet when i am too anxious. cause i get sweaty palm and feet allllll the time even in an air-conditioned room. and at one point when we were walking towards the platform, i confessed to Apiz 'tuija mok polah bungee jump, tok pun dah cuak. boleh sik sikmok polah??' HAHAHAHAHA well, that was just a conversation to fill in the time gap ok :P :P :P there were four other jumpers that day besides me and Apiz, so they all went first, and Apiz went last. so kira terre la kamek nak, to go before Apiz. its like 'Apiz, tangga Aten polah giney ahh. iboh takut.' yerrdeh! haha the best part was we got to do two jumps each so the first one was kind of a trial jump, and the second one you already know the drill and you can enjoy it without constantly thinking 'whats going to happen next?'

bungee jump vs. flying fox:

in my thought, for my birthday this year, it HAS to be something different AND i dont want to be dependent on other people to make it happen. as the miracle date - 24th October - fall perfectly on a Sunday, i made plans as early as January. they include: bungee jump in Phuket, exploring Bangkok, and fall in love once again for Singapore. those are the many plans which i juggled about to pick out which is the best. but those plan also come with one very big problem. i need a travel mate. i cant go if i dont have anyone going with me. for all you know my dad would be keeping my passport in the safe box with 16-digit security password, or bury it in the ground next to our 'pandok ground' or he might just feed the crocodile with it. oh no over exaggeration happens. so i cant find someone who can go to those places with me on the said date. everyone else has their own schedule to keep up with, and i myself was also busy with assignments and datelines (did not foresee this in January). and then i came across an information bout bungee jump is back in operation in Sunway Lagoon! yippy!! so i made new plan: to bungee jump on 24th October 2010 in Sunway Lagoon. i tried to talk Apiz into doing it with me. cause you'll get a certificate of bravery for doing the jump, and i want Apiz to have one with my birthday date on it. Apiz sik mok. i pleaded him with bambi eyes also he didnt want. he said he'll only take my photos and video of me jumping. and then i redha. and a couple of days before the big day, i told him i dont want to do the jump, cause he's not doing it. i want to do something fun together with him. so we opted to do the flying fox at Menara KL.

bungee jump gik Dear~

and then i went to meet up with my rebel mates back in UIA. we kinda have this routine to meet up for each others’ birthday even if its only for a slice of cake. doing meet-ups like this, its almost like a constant reminder that i will always have these beautiful people by me no matter what. thank you darlings!

and about the Mr. Gorgeous Instax. my new toy. my joy. my muse. i love you. i keep on finding reason to touch you even if i cant use you. apparently Semenanjung Malaysia is having a lack of stock on the film (surprisingly stock melambak in Kuching). so i cant play much with it, yet. out of the 10 films, lemme see, i only took two photos ok! the rests are by Apiz or total strangers. how lah. i want to be in the picture, have to ask someone else to take the photo right? :P

a very BIG thank yous and hearts and bubble clouds and kittens and all the nice things to Apiz Dearie for the cameraa!!~ :D :D :D yippy can i cry?

a very deer friend also gave me this cool bag which i cant stop using it now. i love the vibrant colour, the material, the just-nice size and of course the doll herself who gave it to me. but im scared if i use it too often then the colour would fade or it'll lose its natural texture and become slouchy and oh so many paranoia-of-using-too-much-of-a-beloved-thing-cause-i-dont-want-it-to-lose-its-original-quality-that-makes-me-fall-in-love-with-it-at-the-first-place. hah! oh and because of that paranoia, i like to take photos of my stuff (and keep some of them and never use them)! omg! i sound like a psychopath.

it was a happy birthday for me. in fact it was a happy birthmonth. Apiz did try make every living day of October feels like my birthday and it worked! thank you so much Love, for each and every little details you did (and did not do, esp on dinner night!). can i cry now?

even now, already half way through November, people are still wishing me belated birthday wishes, thank you all for the wishes and doa. may God bless your kindness with even greater kindness from Him. i am overjoyed!

tentang rambut

today was a good hair day. you know when you wake up in the morning and you go into the bathroom and you see the mirror and then bam! wow! kacak rambut ko pagi tok!

(konon macam tok la tek. siap ada make up skali rah muka. yerrrdeh.)

cause there are times when i wake up like this (not all the time la of course. ada la 2 3 kali setaun jak. kekeke i'm trying to stay positive bout my hair ok. and i think morning hair is cute :p):

(yah. palak katel lekat rah palak. tok bukan bad hair day gik, bed head hair tok namanya.)

well, actually i wanted to write bout something else. i've been wanting to write since afternoon, i was restless int he class! apa tek with a good hair day ahead me, i was so pumped up to do so many things and tell stories! but then i was so busy poking my head into others' blogs and food searching thru the net and then i got distracted with my hair story and now i want to sleep.

night y'all!

esok jak lah oo..

ps: masterchef best gila kot. rasa mok daknya take turn jadi tukang masak di rumah ku. nyeh nyeh nyeh...

photo sense

my 15-minute little weekend project:

 thanks to Sheila who suggested it for hanging my instant photos!! :D i am super loving it. sometimes, i still surprise myself when i turned to this corner in my room and see these cute masterpiece hanging on the wall. hehehe :p (i am still amazed with the shadows on the wall formed by the photos. they just look unreal and photoshoped, but i swear i didn't!) well, i kinda stole the idea from a display unit in Ikea. not exactly stole la, they like lure you into liking the thingy but then there's a label dangling saying 'for display only. make your own!' apakah? so i made my own la. now i cant wait to take more instant photos and fill my room with more of these cuteness! :D

its's my sister's 12th birthday today. happy birthday Farhana~

this is a photo of a six-year old Farhana.

then,  lunch @ Holiday Inn, with her curly hair (inspired from me, then. haha i curled mine, and she wanted the same. miak kecik bah. how cute.), running around the restaurant wearing my pink sweatshirt (tuija nak, mok makei baju urang besar??), beaming ngegeh-ly as i chased her to take one good photo (even this turned out blur). one of my favourite photos of her! :D

Love you, doll~

wishlist

hola people~ October is coming to an end! how time flies pretty quickly when you're having so much fun! so far October has been treating me well. apart from me being bored to death on every Wednesday and Thursday, i redeemed them all on the weekends. weee~ new year is two months away folks. can you believe it? like really believe it?? seems like just last month i posted the entry on my wishlist for this year. and now, eight months later, lets see how the list is doing so far...

2010 wishlist:

1. BUNGY jump - not yet. but instead i did flying fox on my birthday! just to warm up and polished up skills on jumping off a platform! :D

2. go Bangkok - errr maybe next year, can?

3. learn how to ride motorcycle - still got two months to go :B

4. learn how to ride motorcycle before going to Bangkok - will update after #3 is achieved!

5. learn sewing - oh i forgot bout this. haha! oopss.

6. exercise regularly & be fit - errrrrrrrr not that regular, but i did get sweaty once in a while. i miss running. really, i do. i super love running. i used to run at Reservoir Park back in Kuching. but here, scared lah want to go running anywhere. maybe an in-house treadmill is the most appropriate solution, dont you think? ;p

7. stop asking useless invitations to those who seem careless - so far, i think i've avoided making such invitations.

8. learn to trust people more - sometimes i do, sometimes i forgot..

9. have a HAPPIER birthday - HAPPIEST!! will come up with an entry all bout me turning 24 soon! :D

10. study I.D. - TICK! TICK! TICK! :D :D :D

11. talk more to strangers - will continue doing so~

12. text less to Sheila, call more (sorry babe. i know how u hate texting. sometimes i forgot~) - errrm, uh-oh. cant lie here. Sheila might be reading and she'll know if i'm lying. i say, a balance of texting and calling kan Sheila?? sometimes i just wanna say something short, i text her, but then the conversation grew so ... erk.

13. make more people happy - please tell me if i'm making you sad instead of happy, ok!

14. BE HAPPIER MYSELF! - i am happier than i was a year ago, i am happier than i was in four months ago, i am happier than i was yesterday, i will continue growing happy! yippy!

lets top-up this list, can?

15. learn to put myself first, instead of thinking of pleasing others all the time (not being self-centered yea, just looking out for myself cause the real world gets uglier as your age adds up. cant really make everyone happy all the time. i wish i could. if everybody is happy, isnt it a happy world?! who knows the earth might change its shaped into a heart shaped earth! wow i'm crapping!)

you see my wish list is not really a material-wishlist. well thats because when i first wrote this down, i didnt quite understand the concept of a wishlist. poyo jerr~ haha so this is more like a spiritual-wishlist. but IF there is another wishlist that involves material, here goes:

1. instant camera - TICK! TICK! TICK! (been eye-ing the mini Instax 7s for so long~ until the wide version came out, and i got it for turning 24 on the 24th! yeay yeay yeay!)

2. bean bag!!!! - inilah kekaseh hati untok sekian lamanyaa~

3. baking oven - so i can bake cupcakes here in KL! oh, how i miss baking cupcakes :(

4. Golden Half

5. one of these outdoor chairs!! - i dont know where to put them, but i still want!

6. treadmill (refer above)

7. glass cabinet - so i can keep all my growing collection of cameras inside it~ 

 

so tadaaa!! you must've wished you did not just read my wishlist coz that means you are obliged to fulfill them!! haha

another birthday dinner tonight. i better get ready! toodles!

hari bersamanya

16 October 2010

it started out good. i was in a good mood all morning. i got to see the morning sunshine. morning sunshine makes me happy. morning sunshine gives me hope and somehow gives lead to a good day.

duo singing reggae happily on the street - street performers never failed to grab my attention most of the time. but it came the time when you are standing in a sea of people, busy people bustling from left to right, or just standing there blocking your path just to be part of the crowd; the time when you caved in from the world, when you feel misunderstood and hurt, when you think no one really gets you no matter how hard you try to let them in, the time when you only want to be all by yourself and cry your heart out for reasons you are not very sure of, but you want to cry anyways just for the sake of letting it out. yeah i felt that too today. but i got over it. i dont want my sensitive element to get in my way of a beautiful Saturday, so i did what i have to do to get over it.

come dusk, i am preparing myself to watch Eat Pray Love. it is the type of novel which i always see on the shelf in the bookstore which i also passed by without much anticipation.  judging the book by its cover, i assumed the book is dull and boring and for the a-little-bit-matured soul. as for the motion picture itself, i heard friends said its beautiful, its for the romantic soul, yet some say draggy, the story line is slow-paced and its long. i still have no intentions to watch it. judging the movie by its poster, Julia Robert eating some gelato on a bench next to some nuns, i think, 'okay thats eating and praying, i guess, then she'll fall in love and same yada yada stuff, and voila~ the end. just another love story'. and THEN, another someone said it was filmed in four different countries. and that caught my attention. just like that, i flipped my heart 180^o and decided to watch it pronto. oh my weakness for places. thanks to Mym, i have easy access of buying last minute tickets on a busy Saturday! babe, you rock! :D though i came in the theatre i lil tad late, and i missed the introduction of Ketut, i am loving the movie so  so much i wanna watch it again (and again). it IS beautiful. it is NOT draggy for me. i am so loving the flow of it which carried me gracefully throughout the movie. i LOVE the food part the best :D watching Julia eating spaghetti makes me want to dash out of the cinema and get my own bowl of spaghetti (with meatballs!) and i dont know why but watching Liz making order in Italian language makes me want to read the book, so i can enjoy the food figuratively in my own leisure time. and yes, i assume the book elaborates more on the food (and i hope it tells how the food is being prepared as well, cause that is a super bonus point to help me imagine the food before my eyes). ok i am rambling bout food right now though i just ate. cant help it, food is just yummy. the only one thing i didnt agree was when Felipe talked Liz out bout not eating durian cause it taste like feet. durian is yummy too ok. so Liz's journey is not complete until she tries the durian. come back to Bali and eat durian ok Liz. ok now i'm rambling bout an imaginary sequel of Eat Pray Love on Liz coming back to Bali for Ketut's cremation and eating durian. well thats my story on falling in love with a movie.  and i was wrong to assume it is just another romantic love drama making its way on the silver screen. from the way i see it, it gets me thinking, it brings me to places, it pleasures my eyes with all the amazing places that i could only wish to go (for now), it treats my throat and tummy and make me vow to go food hunting even harder in the future! :D maybe also cause Apiz being awake for the entire movie makes it an enjoyable movie to watch :)

though i come home with a sore ankle, i'm glad i end it with SheilaOn7 -like song on the radio. (i think its So7, but i dont know if So7 has a new song, the singer just sound like Duta, and i miss Duta's singing. and their soothing songs.) that one completes the day :)

i just googled!! yes it is Sheila on 7! it's 'Hari Bersamanya'

everything that happened today, be it walking under the sun, singing to the cheerful song about girl meets boy on replay, taking photos with supersampler which i abandoned for too long thinking it was broken when i was the one who forgot how to load a film, hunting for Sarawak local delicacy in peninsular land, got carried away by mood swings, laughing my heart out at a story of dreaming bout a pig's snort, laughing my chest out on the ambition of being a forgetful futuristic guy, it is all worth it. each incident is worth the feeling. and now i am smiling with my liver :) :) :)

ngerepoks ol' style

hah! tok ku nak ngerepak lok. haruslah makei bahasa ibunda baruk feeel~

paduhal album Yuna dah keluar???! sori lah pok, i sik tauk. baruk malam tadik tauk. dalam kol 11 lebeh dekat nak kol 12. kira tek nak nyarik next showcase Yuna la tek. sekali nangga bejumpa ngan news nya launching album 'Decorate' nya 24 & 25 July ya tek rah KLPac. siryes sik tauk. dah lah nya molah showcase for 2 days. rah Pentas 1 gik ya. Pentas 1 is the biggest space in KLPac that can fit more than 500 people ok! dah lah time ya (24 & 25 July) i dah ada di KL. apa kah di polah i minggu ya ooo. hmmm. mesti tengah raon aimlessly dalam shopping complex dengan Apiz demi aircond. mun di Kuching tek, ngerepak sikpat pegi all the happenings rah KL. mala jak beduka lara hoping i was in KL for all the cool gigs. dah di KL, sik keep track ngan showcases kedak tok. sik tauk juak dah katak spesis pa i tok. katak tido nyenyak bawah tempurung bawah rimbunan daun nyiur di takuk lama kali. yah yah. rasa nak turun pasar meli album ya kinek-kinek jak lekak maca news ya. tapi dah kol 12 tgh mlm, kedei nei bukak? mun jak di sitok tek ada Mydin 24 jam macam rah Melaka. mun jak Mydin ada bejual album Yuna nak? tapi ya la tek, Mydin semua ada. aieh tok ngerepak hal Mydin kah Yuna? baruk last week madah ngan Apiz 'bila lah album Yuna tok nak keluar.' Apiz pun diam juak, meaning nya sik tauk la ya. so mek duak kira sama spesis katak lah. sekpa, you frog i frog, dear.

bah, pa gik. mupok lok. nak g kedei meli album 'Decorate'.

ps: i'm done with Term 1 ID!!! Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah :) :)

perception

confidence is always misunderstood as arrogance
opinions might be judged without listening
understanding seems impossible
impressions are made by the cover
ignorance is considered bliss
when you are actually in loss
the beauty inside remains concealed
individuality is far from being acknowledged
acceptance is tougher than you think it is
selfness prevails without second thought
hurtful words wounded the unhealed heart
we continue live life like it never happens
and yet you demand appreciation.

says who the world is fair? God who's governing the universe is, but the ungrateful human governing the system on earth isn't, and none would be. including you and me.

daddy's hero

how cute is she wanting to get dress for the paramedics. and her father must be REALLY proud of her :) :)