medley

i have few things on my mind. so i'm gonna say few things.

1. i have this phobia of receiving texts or calls like really late at night (when i say late at night, i mean past 12am), and like really early in the morning. especially when i dont expect them. especially if it is from the people who are very close to me. this morning, i received a text from Bapak at 7.59am. he said one of his friend just died in KL earlier in the dawn. his wife was trying to wake him up for sahur, and he didnt respond. thats his story. when a part of me was still in shock upon hearing such news, when i struggled to hold up my tears when i break the news to Abang, there is somehow a serenity emotion giant sweep over my heart and head thinking how peaceful his soul is to experience death in his sleep in Ramadhan. i feel sad for his family still. one of his two children is still schooling, like in form 1 or 2. though we were not that close, but i know he is one of Bapak's very good friend. everytime Bapak come over to KL, he would trouble himself to go see Bapak wherever Bapak is. he also did bring his whole family to Muar to attend Abang's engagement and wedding ceremony. i knew him since i was a kid, like when he used to live in Kuching with his family, our family would always meet up for gatherings. and now, everytime i meet his children, they are like so approachable and nice that they didnt turn into snobs although they did experienced the life of the rich and famous. so maybe that is why i feel his lost too. the last time we saw him, which is in April this year, he looked so healthy and still kicking, joking around like usual. he was  younger than Bapak. and i can imagine how Bapak is shocked when he heard about this. but Allah SWT has a better plan for all of us. may Allah rests Uncle Usup's soul in peace. may Allah forgives all his sins. may Allah grants him Paradise. may Allah protects his family. Amin. Amin. Amin. Amin. Al-Fatihah.

* Al-Fatihah too, to my late Nek Di, Uncle Y and Syafiq. they will always have a special place in my heart. may Allah SWT place them with the believers in one of His Paradises. Amin

2. you dont really know what you did, until someone ask what you've done. then only you'll start to trace back your steps and realised what you did.

3. we always get what we want when we are sleeping. in our dream. we always get what we want. like in your dream, you already bought that dress you wanted for so long, and you're truly happy bout it you go gaga in your dream. but then, a single screeching sound in the real world snatches the dress away from you. you meet this really cool new friend in your dream, whom you never see before in real life. a friend actually introduced you guys. new friend is cool, new friend take your hand  and lets you stay for dinner, eventhough new friend just knew you not even for half a day. you wish all new friend is that nice in real world. when someone in my dream to bad things to me, a knight in shining armour comes in my defense even if it means Mr. Knight would have suffer some injuries in the process. and when i woke up from the sound of my alarm clock, i smile to myself thinking bout my real world knight in not so shining armour. but its fine, i would have run anyways if i see a man holding a shiny thing they call an armour. scary, dont you think? this is not zaman gladiator. just bring your brain where ever you go will do.

4. i come to the realisation that i admit i'm a realist. if its red, you stop. but sometimes, i still like to be a dreamer.

5. i cant post photos on FB. i dont know why. something to do with the firewall maybe. or the connection. but if its the firewall or the connection, how come i did upload photos on FB before, using the same laptop, same browser, same connection provider? maybe its the place. i dont even know if that has something to do with it. so i've been putting off a number of cupcakes photos on hold. and i feel its not right. not fair to those who bought my cupcakes but didnt get to see their orders in my album. cause i would post the photos of my cupcakes right after i'm done with every batch, sometimes i post it before i could deliver to the person whom ordered it! so, i'll just post them here instead. so these are two batches of cupcakes which i did before i left for Raffles. the ones with the Roses is my standard size cupcakes. while the bunch of pinks and purples and whites are the small size of cupcakes. they are cute in size. and when i start putting colours on them, i think they dont deserve to be in the stomach. they should be in a display rack with glass panels all around. i'm not gloating on my designs, ok. what i mean is, they just turn super cuter when they are in small scales.

thanks Zaty for the order! :D

thanks Syasya for the order of these tiny cupcakes! :D

6. my new favourite phrases:

    1 - 'you know what i mean?' (top!!)

    2 - 'i mean like..'

    3 - 'blablabla...like...blablabla' oh and this one has the BM version also : 'blablabla...macam...blablabla' direct translation kah apa??

bless you

despite of Mak just flew back to Kuching yesterday, i still miss her, and Bapak too. i guess when we are too dependable on someone, we become weak and helpless when we are left alone. at least thats how i am. mok balit rumah aih :'[

happy Ramadhan brothers and sisters in Islam. the month full of barakah. spend it wisely :)

gleeful thursday

you know how i use to whine bout not going to Cuci the Musical last year? this year, i'm going ya'll!! :D

in fact, in three hours, i'll be laughing my head off to Afdlin Shauki, Awie(!!!) and Hans Isaac.

and and and. NO AC Mizal! his character is played by Nabil this time around. how fun is that??

i better get ready. toodles!

miss you love

i'm sick, currently. i've been sick for almost three weeks now i guess. i just hope it wont get the best out of me. i may weep a little or so, at times, some nights, but i can do this, i hope. and i really need to be able to do this since Ramadhan is only five days away, and i'm sure it will be tougher then. but dont worry, i dont think its infectious.
 

i'm just homesick :'')

just because i do

"dear.." she said. leaning on one side of her body against the door frame of their room.

he was watching ESPN when his lover called him. he looked up.

they stared at each other for a while. he was waiting for her next line.

she suddenly rushed to him and put her arms around his torso so tightly and started crying. surprised and confused, he held her back in return and asked, "what's wrong, love? what happened?"

she kept on crying. and cried. and cried. and didn't answer his questions.

he still didn't know what's going on, but he wrapped his arms so firmly around her body, giving her comfort and warmth. his chin resting on her newly shampooed hair. the way they held each other looked like they were two pieces of puzzle that fit so perfectly together that there were no room for air to pass through their intersecting parts. they sat there on the couch and held each other for the longest period ever without saying any words. the only sound that can be heard was the one from the TV box.

as he felt her shoulders relaxed a little, and as she stopped sobbing, he took her chin up til their eyes were at the same level. concern in his eyes. while hers are puffed from all the salty water coming out from them.

"i never want you to be sad. so i'm crying all my tears out on your behalf. for all your sad memories and sorrow feelings. now you will never be sad again. cause i did them for you. promise me you won't be sad any more." she finally spoke. her lower lips trembled with every words. she tried hard not to continue crying part two.

"but, love.." he attempted to speak.

only stopped by her.

"i love you too much.."

crazy love

i have a few posts sitting in my drafts box waiting to be posted in here. but the posts need some photo attachments to help you enjoy my boring yada-yada essay. but at the moment, i cant post them yet because i cant attach the photos, because my laptop get some seizure attack whenever i try to upload or download something from the internet. haha over dramatic, i know. and also, i cant write peacefully in this new space in KL i call my second home. because there is something watching my fingers moving up and down typing and its waiting the right time to jump on the keyboard and chew my fingers off. oh oh dramatic some more. and right now it's trying to eat off the laptop screen. ohh this is so scary~

so far, life has been great here. yesterday i went to my first Freehand Drawing class and i think it was a blast! although we only learned how to draw like a full page of eggs and circles and boxes, i think it was great. and drawing a perfect egg in a continuous line is harder than you think it is. you try lah! and thank God the lecturers are all fun people. yeay!

of course, i miss waking up in my bed in Kuching. i miss going out for breakfast with my cousin. i miss Saturday night fusion in Saddad Court. i miss baking cupcakes mid-morning till lunch hour and Bapak and Mak come home for lunch and they watch my cupcakes and they have these little smiles on their faces read 'nice smell of cupcakes, but i wanna eat my lunch on this table'. erk. maybe not. well, actually that's what i always thought of after i'm done with cupcakes at 12.30pm. i miss waiting for my parents and Farhana to come home for lunch and eat together with them. i miss teasing Farhana. and last night i cried missing Fluffy. i hope she's doing ok back home.but Alhamdulillah, i have thoughtful friends who constantly reminding me on skills to survive living away from home. thank you Sheila for reminding me to not skip any of my meals. you have really mendatangkan kesedaran to me the other day when you talk about skipping meals with your simple words. everytime i forgot to eat, i remember you ngerepok with concern bout not eating and getting gastritis. and thank you Apiz for reminding me not to waste my money buying unnecessary cute things. i cant believe you actually mock me and say i only buy them to take pictures and not use them. huh! but true also lah. thank you Dear. everytime i see cute things, i ask myself: will i ever use them, and will Apiz shake his head when he knows i bought it? (but i did buy the cute Ikea container set anyway. how lah. it looks sooo cute when arranged together. i swear i'll use them. and no. i wont take photos of them lining up descending in size.) next cute thing, i will do what you say ok? erk. oh oh ohh! and i met this new boy. he's not that cute. but he definitely has the X-factor. he's crazy sometimes all the times. everytime i'm not around him, i found myself always thinking bout him and missing him. i wish i can be with him all the time. err no no. scratch that. since he's a little cuckoo, i dont want to be around him all the time. maybe only at times when he's adorably cute and makes a fool of himself and crack me up like no  one else could. and i'm so happy that Apiz likes him too. and they actually found something in common.

meet Mickey, the mouse-trapped-in-a-cat's-body.

he's thoughtful you see. ALL.THE.TIME. trying too hard to be there for everyone. this was when he tried to help me get a table set up.

this is also the creature who jumps up and down my keyboard and chase the mouse my hand (while holding the mouse). you make my day, crazy fella. xoxo you.

when two equals two

matter regarding the heart, and involves a boy and a girl is sometimes very much complicated more than you know. when it is actually simple to love and to be loved, admit it that our desires and needs in life sometimes moves parallel and doesnt have a meeting point at any circumstances. that is when we have to build a strong (and flexible) bridge to connect those two lines so we can go to the other side at any desired time to support each other. and who knows if those lines might find a way to intersect at some point.

i have this thing bout me bout how i like to say things metaphorically, that sometimes people dont really get what i say, and sometimes the message doesnt really reach the dedicated persona cos that person doesnt really know if i'm talking bout/to him/her just cos i dont mention the issue directly, but sometimes, its just that they simply think i'm not talking bout them and plain ignore it.

it is so much easier to think like a little kid, no?

one day, Bapak was talking bout how hairdressers and chefs can easily get a PR status in the Australia. and Farhana said:

'apa hairdresser? rambut pakei baju?? pelik na juak?'

and then another time, Bapak said a friend of his died of 'sakit TB'. and Farhana the TV junkie said:

'aie! nangga TB (as in television, TV) boleh sakit kah??'

cilck here for more cute monsters by Lucy Doan! 

sometimes, all a girl wants is attention and gestures showing that we matter; and of course constant reminder that we are always loved and remembered :)

sweet tooth

here's another cupcake story. enjoy!

i think this design has grown to be one of my favs.

nice effect huh? good job plastic factory! hehe

one of my favs too!

designed by Mak. Rafflesia i call it :p

until we meet again!

superMan day

 i love you, Bapak! :) :) :)

Happy Father's Day to all Fathers across the universe!!

the mute elephant

i have one disturbing thing in my mind right now. one big thing. and i cant seem to tell anyone bout it, its just not right. but i am grateful that i will always have the Al-'Alim with me all the time for only He knows whats within me without me saying a word, and with His willing, i will be fine for He is also Al-Hadi.

"Verily Allah knows (all) the hidden things of the heavens and the earth: verily He has full knowledge of all that is in (men's) hearts."

Surah 35, Fatir (The Angels, Orignator) - verse 38

baking & decorating cupcakes help me get my mind off things too.

i turned into a happy cartoon bunny who floats around the house instead of walking everytime i finished a batch of cupcakes :)

and also Saddad Fusion tonight was awesome. i think it is the best Saddad Fusion ever. maybe also because there were two crowds - one routing for football who screamed 'oohs' and 'aahs' time and again; and, one cheering their pretty voices out for the bands on stage. anyhow, with performers singing in your neighbourhood songs like 'aku skandal' in French; some evergreen old soul rock songs which i heard before but never knew their title; and, a guy who looks very naive but really knows how to rock the stage with a guitar and his one of a kind voice (he did get the loudest applause i think), anyone would be uplifted and going back home still in awe. at least thats how i feel.

oh, i'm happier already! but the big elephant in the room is still there.