paradoxical

i'm tired of giving. i'm tired of having to care what others feel and think. i'm tired of being tolerant. i'm tired of having to cancel my own appointment so i can make an appoinment with you. i'm tired of postponing my plans so yours can go smoothly first. i'm tired of being 'the sweet friend' who always give you gifts. but really, i did them all purely with all the honesty and emphaty that i have in my heart. just to see others happy. and to be remembered, at the very least. but in the end, i'm not as happy.

hours ago, i decided to stop giving. at least for a while, and see what will come my way. will i get back what i've given before? will they wonder why i stop giving and turned into a cold hearted bitch? as all those thoughts float through my brain, i am reminded by the yellow traffic light flickering ahead me. i am practically hitting my own head on the wheel. i AM in a mission to give which is why i woke up early this morning. i am driving, making my way to the florist to get some flowers for someone..